GIF dump for season 4. Pay me no mind.

GIF dump for season 4. Pay me no mind.

Fridays, 9 AM Pacific, https://hang.fm/da/i-love-the-80s

 

Trip report: Doing Vegas Wrong, August 2024

In late 2021, someone in the
VegasNerdiverse proposed a wager
on when LAS would convert all
their signs to "Harry Reid". I don't
remember where the line was, but
I took the over. Seems wise.

Ten days ago, the morning of August 10, I was doomscrolling Facebook and their algorithm fed me an ad: Alan Parsons Live Project, in Las Vegas, August 17 at the Smith Center. 

I've been an Alan Parsons fan for decades -- going to the record store in the late '80s always started with looking for new music in the the D's (Duran Duran), A's (Alan Parsons Project), and P's (Alan Parsons Project... and Pet Shop Boys). On a whim, as I often do, I looked at airfare for the next weekend. Roundtrip at $400+? That's what I expected: far more than I can reasonably justify.

Then at dinner, "Don't Answer Me" came on my 1200+ song Spotify playlist, and I took it as a sign. Somewhat inspired by Big Empire's Neon Gutter podcast (Cheapo Vegas was the Vegas website back in the day), I'm gonna see if I can do Vegas on the cheap. How many of my own rules can I break this trip?

DAY ONE

Broken rule 1: Only buy airfare through the airline's site.

Google Flights showed a roundtrip available for $126 through Expedia. There's a catch:

Broken rules 2 and 3: Don't fly the nickel and diming low cost airlines.

The catch: Frontier Airlines down and Spirit Airlines back. Carry-on luggage any bigger than a laptop bag will cost more. Seat selection will cost more. Beverages will cost more.

Still, could I find somewhere to stay, cheaply? A night's work later, I compiled this for two nights, August 17-19:

Spreadsheets? Yeah, you know me.

So I could've gone with #DirtyCastle for roughly $4 net, Luxor for $68, or I could burn some Caesars Rewards points and stay for free. Already in the mindset that I don't care, as long as the room has a bed, shower, and no health hazards, I decided on Harrah's, somewhere I've never stayed in my previous 37 trips. The credit card gave me a free night offer (yes, it comped Saturday! 🍀 #1!), which...

Broken rule 4: Get the highest tier comped room you can.

...which I could have used at Caesars, Paris, or Planet Ho, but nah. I ain't that bougie when I'm on my own, and Harrah's reportedly remodeled their rooms, and I do want to check off as many (reasonable) Vegas hotels as I can.

So Saturday morning, I've scarfed down an egg/bacon McBiscuit and I'm boarding on-time (🍀#2!) , on my Frontier flight to Vegas. Row 34, full plane, but at least I'm not stuck in a middle seat. The woman in the seat next to me, about my daughter's age, is clearly nervous. I'm paying attention to my iPad, but as we're climbing out of SeaTac, we hit a small bump and she grabs my arm, apologizes, and braces herself against the seat in front of her. Five minutes later, another small bump, she grabs my arm and apologizes again. 

Broken rule 5: You're an introvert. Act like it.

Fine. I take out my headphones and work to calm her down. She's only flown a few times before, and turbulence scares her. For the next two hours, I do my best to distract Sierra, a Vegas local, from the bumps, turns, and engine noises, talking about tourist-vs-locals perspective, education, family, pets, and more. In the end, it was actually a very nice conversation.

An uneventful Uber to Harrah's, and I arrive two hours before the 3:30 check-in time (didn't it used to be 3:00?). I check in through the app, and although it offers early check-in for a fee, I'm here to be cheap. The app also told me that Caesars' annual "Quest for Rewards" was underway, with a challenge to earn 25 credits at every one of their Las Vegas properties.

Broken rule 6: Don't chase comps
Broken rule 7: Read the fine print

I play some video poker and slots at Harrah's and Linq, checking off those two properties. As many times as I've said to myself late at night, "self, you should really play video poker on those strip-facing machines at Linq's Re:Match bar," I finally did it, drinking a Modelo because most of the other taps were dry. It's too hot out there. I'm now up $50, plus whatever bonus points ("tier credits") I've earned for checking off two Caesars properties. I still have no idea -- I haven't checked yet, and just remember that it was completely worthless last time.

At exactly 3:30, I get the e-mail that my room is ready. Sure, that's a coincidence. There are two different kinds of kiosks in the lobby: one to check in, one to get keys if you've already checked in. Foolishly, Harrah's has all of the "get keys" kiosks behind the rope with the same line to get to them as to get to the front desk, so those kiosks are essentially being unused whenever the first dozen people in line all need human contact.

Broken rule 8: Go with the flow

Venetian has cars parked higher
than my room

After standing in the long line for about five minutes, a guy pops his head out of the VIP check-in room and pulls the three parties in front of me out of line to check them in. We're near the back of the line, so that's kinda weird. But heck, I'll follow them. After he points them to the VIP check-in desk, he turns to me, and I ask about accessing the kiosk just to get keys. "No problem," he says, and unhooks the velvet rope allowing me into the check-in desk area. (🍀#3!)

Room 49024 is about 7 floors up and has a sweeping view of the food court roof, the Casino Royale parking garage, and Venetian's St. Regis tower mural. No matter. The room is remodeled, clean, with no stains, no chipped paint, or any visible maintenance issues. How is this a Caesars property? I ditch my bag and head out.

North to Casino Royale (loss) and Palazzo (small win) gets me down to even for the day. I Uber to the Smith Center for the show.

Broken rule 9: Some of the best food in the world is in Vegas. Don't waste a meal.

I grab a $22 meal consisting of a turkey sandwich, chips, a Coke, and cheesecake. It looked, tasted, and definitely was a "catered" meal from a company that specializes in corporate meeting brownbag lunches. Whatever. This isn't that kind of trip.

The Smith Center is a beautiful art deco facility, shiny marble and stuff. The auditorium has four levels, and as I said in a Facebook post, it's a pretty standard big city theatre that you'd expect touring Broadway shows to use. 

As I'm waiting for the show to start, I'm doomscrolling again, the algorithm identifies me again, and suggests a concert for the following night: ABC and Howard Jones at Virgin. Click, click, buy.

Alan Parsons' show was great, with my favorite Alan Parsons song, the Poe-inspired "The Raven", performed in its entirety and again later as a reprise. "Prime Time" (Spotify link) was a 10-minute epic, mutating into a shredding guitar solo halfway through, then segueing into a melodic piano piece, before concluding into a rocking full band conclusion.

Broken rule 10: Don't walk around outside the tourist areas after dark

The Golden Gate letters have
stopped rocking. Get on that, guys.

I'd scoped out my walking route back to Fremont Street a few days before, and was glad it was as safe and uneventful as I expected: through the city parking garage (with a lot of the concert goers), take the skybridge across the railroad, walk through the city hall garage, left on Main, and into the Plaza. The scariest part was the sidewalk bicyclist who passed me from behind without warning. Plaza has the best video poker in town, and sure enough, handed me my biggest video poker loss of the trip, which I made back at slots. I then wandered down Fremont stopping at The D (broke even), El Cortez (down at craps, up at slots -- thanks, cows! 🍀#4), and Binion's (by far my worst slot loss of the trip). Benny Binion always gives a good gamble? Ha! 

Broken rule 11: Don't order food as the joint's about to close

I wandered back to Plaza and grabbed a slice of cheese pizza from Pop Up Pizza, ate it there (it was fine, despite the place closing in 5 minutes), and called my Lyft. Save $4 by waiting 15 minutes? Sure. Then the 15 became 20, then 30, when a driver finally took the bait, getting me back to Harrah's at 3 AM, down about $80 in gambling funds for the day.

DAY 2

Broken rule 11: Enjoy the free cocktails
Broken rule 12: Drink a lot of water before bed

That Modelo I had at Linq? Yeah, that's the only alcohol I've had, and I'm already at the halfway point of my trip. I'd grabbed a water bottle from Pop Up Pizza, too, and it's still mostly full. I roll out of bed just before 11, shower and make myself presentable, and head down to play some High Card Flush. About an hour later, I'm up $70 (🍀#5), so that's nearly back to even for the trip, but I'm getting bored, so it's time to check off more Caesars properties. Flamingo? Earned 25 points, down $40. Cromwell earned 25 points, down $17. I was gonna hit Horseshoe next, but felt like waiting for the at-grade traffic light on Flamingo in the 103° heat wouldn't be fun, and decided to take the escalator instead.

Psych! You know the escalators don't work in this town! I hoped they would be. (Broken rule 13). I needed to get out of the heat, and from the bottom of the temporarily stairs, Paris felt closer than the walk through the Bally's Shanty Town Shoppes. I earned 16 points on slots at Paris, then had to wait for a slot attendant because, well, Buffalooooo! (🍀#6)

Not pictured: my first ever W-2G

In retrospect, I should've asked for a check, because now I've got a $6600+ in my pockets with nowhere safe enough to put it. The cage wouldn't exchange it for a check (money laundering issues, I assume), and suggested Western Union, which would have involved $300+ in fees in a Walgreens, where I saw someone visit the land of unconsciousness with the help of a glass bottle cracked across his skull a few trips back.

I wander in and out of Paris a few times, sit at another machine and spin through another $20 to get those 25 oh-so-nothing tier credits. Google and my credit union's web site told me that an ATM three miles east of the strip would take my cash deposits. I took a cab out to the ATM, bought a Fiji at the 99¢ store while waiting for the cabbie to leave, and tried to make the deposit. Nope. Card not recognized, but only after the machine took the bills, counted them all, then spit them back. I took an Uber to a bank on the UNLV campus. Nope. Card not recognized. I grabbed lunch across the street at In-N-Out ("lunch" at 4:30 PM! The first thing I've eaten today!) and caught a Lyft back to Harrah's, where I stashed my stack in the in-room safe and crossed my fingers.

So after winning big and burning two hours going to two parking lots and In-N-Out, where do winners go and how do they get there? 

Broken rule 14: The monorail sucks.
Broken rule 15: Don't walk too far off strip

I mean, the monorail isn't that bad, if your start and end points aren't too far from it. Harrah's has a monorail station (and there's, like, a whole real restaurant up those stairs, too, and I found another air conditioned umbilical hallway to get from the back of Harrah's to Linq's own Shanty Town Shoppes), and my destination was behind MGM, so it just made sense. 

I'm heading to, um, Red Dragon, of course. 

If I'd been able to read Japanese, I'd probably
have figured out the problem earlier.

It's a divey locals joint across Koval from the back of MGM's parking garage and behind a gas station. When I walked in (and everyone has to be buzzed in by security), there were maybe four customers nose-down in their drinks and one security/bartender person, who, when I asked, pointed me to the room of pachinko machines in the back and said, "I've never seen anyone playing in there." Old internet reviews promised all-you-can-play for $5. Although 11 of the 13 machines were powered on (including one that made a rubber boob jiggle when I pressed a button), there were no pachinko balls to use.

I asked the staff how to get pachinko balls. "Oh. Yeah, they got rid of those for covid. I don't think they're coming back." Dang.

I press the button, the rubber boob jiggles.
I press the button, the rubber boob jiggles.
(No, I didn't take a photo, perv.)

I Ubered to Virgin for the ABC/Howard Jones concert, and the casino was the busiest I've seen it since its Hard Rock days. Not packed full of people by any definition, but midday-Park MGM busy. Spinning '80s tracks: a DJ on an elevated slot machine platform. Think Rio's bevertainers or the security podium at Plaza, but with an electronic four-on-the-floor beat.

Haircut 100 was the opening act, closing their set with the only song of theirs I knew, "Love Plus One". Setlist.fm says they ended with "Favourite Shirts", but I don't remember that at all.

ABC took the stage, with lead singer Martin Fry wearing a jacket identical to the one he wore when I saw them the first time at Cruel World in May 2023. At that festival, I was standing up against the front rail, the set was shorter, and the band was energized. Tonight, sitting halfway across the auditorium, the energy was there, but a bit more subdued. Probably me, plus the addition of a few thousand folding chairs zip-tied together as makeshift seating.

Can you guess it's an '80s band?

Then Howard Jones, in a hot magenta trenchcoat and wielding a keytar, played a few classics, then covered The Killers' "Human" (or are we dancer?), mentioning that they'd just started their residency at Caesars. Yeah, I know -- so many folks in The Killers t-shirts were wandering around mid-strip this weekend. A few songs later, Jones pointed out that his bassist was Kajagoogoo founder Nick Beggs, and covered that band's "Too Shy." He played a few more classics, then Jones wrapped up with the cheerfully upbeat "Things Can Only Get Better".

My big money splurge with my winnings: I bought an ABC concert t-shirt. Then, realizing I didn't want to carry it with me all night (and potentially lose it), I caught an Uber back to Harrah's, ditched it in my room, and hit the Strip. A hop into the Linq next door, where Disco Show recently opened, and as I'm walking past the entrance, a mirrored door caught my eye. Obviously a speakeasy. Yup. Three rooms that I found in there: a NY subway themed room, a warehouse dance floor, and a diner. If I was smart, I'd have eaten at the diner, but Cosmo is my ultimate destination, and there's food there. No broken rule here; Cosmo does have the best food options in town.

I moseyed out of Linq, through Flamingo (the closure of Margaritaville and Bird Bar makes that stretch of non-air conditioned walking not fun), across the skybridge to Caesars' plaza (see, I remembered the Horseshoe escalators were temporarily stairs!) just as the 11:45 fountain show was starting.

Broken rule 16: Check Mark's Bellagio fountain schedule

No matter, I'll walk through Bellagio and catch the midnight show from the elevated walkway near Cosmo. Except as I'm passing the Bally's skybridge entrance, "Star Spangled Banner" is fountaining, marking the end of the day. Yeah, against all logic, that's the 11:55 show. Ah well. Time to head to Cosmo, play some bad video poker at Chandelier, and have a fancy drink.

Broken rule 17: Don't get too attached to anything in Vegas. It'll change

Oh, the drinks that carpet's absorbed

Maybe it's that management shut down Chandelier at midnight to replace the carpet. Maybe it's that MGM is changing the culture of Cosmo. Maybe it's that I expect MGM will be changing the culture of Cosmo. Somehow, it didn't have that Cosmo surreal-meets-youthful-luxury vibe any more. I did my usual walk from one end of the casino floor and back, and it's just as busy as ever, table limits were just as high as ever, nothing's noticeably changed, but the vibe is just different. Is there more dust? Are the staff's smiles slightly smaller? Is it that "MGM Rewards" sign at the Identity club desk? I can't put my finger on it, but yeah, it's just a little sadder, much like Planet Hollywood does each year that Caesars continues to neglect it. 

I play some video poker at the Cosmo sportsbook bar, nursing a Bombay Sapphire gimlet. Either that was a very strong drink (a triple, maybe?), or the In-N-Out food from nine hours previous was failing to soak up the booze, but it hit me strong. Down $50 at video poker, my tipsy self decides to switch to keno (it's bad). I cash out, then I find a slot machine. 

Buffalooooo! (🍀#7)

In my tipsy state, I didn't realize I was playing $1.80 
a spin. That's crazy expensive for me.

I leave Cosmo up about $80, and head over to Planet Hollywood. Gotta check off another 25 tier credits, right? I do so, breaking even, and aim myself back to Harrah's. I prefer air conditioning even to the 84° air, so I walk through Paris towards Horseshoe. Between the two, near the garage escalators, I find a $100 bill on the fake cobblestones (🍀#8).

Note that I totally forgot to eat at Cosmo. Leaving out the side of Horseshoe, I pause to open VegasMate to see what fast dining is available nearby at 3 AM. Answer: not much. Looks like Bobby's Burger place at Harrah's is about it.

I cross Flamingo at grade, and despite other pedestrians making it safely across on red, I don't trust myself 100% (one drink! one!), which gives me the opportunity to see a scruffy guy pushing a stroller with two pomeranians nearly get flattened while trying to Frogger across the street. 

A shortcut into the back of Flamingo ("hey, baby, where you going?"), take a right to get to Linq ("hey, baby"), and across the Caranval Court plaza ("how you doing, baby?")... the ladies looking to make a buck are out in force. I politely dismiss each one, grab a burger and fries from the food court, eat it upstairs, and call it a night.

(Housekeeping never showed, despite my request on check-in. Oh well.)

DAY 3

"Go south! Watch out for the drain cover!"

Broken rule 18: Always leave late on the last day. You're wasting a Vegas day otherwise.

With a little over five hours sleep, I wake up on my own a few minutes before my 9:00 alarm clock. I planned to be on my way to the airport by 10:30 (maybe a little longer -- my flight's delayed about 20 minutes), so that gives me time to head across the street to Caesars and get 25 tier credits, at a cost of $70 loss to see me out of town.

I grab a $7 bagel and $5 can of Coke at the airport.

My boarding pass last night had me in seat 7E (yay front! boo middle seat!), but I'd done the Spirit bid-for-an-upgrade thing, and this morning received an e-mail that for my $2 bid, I was in the window seat on an exit row (🍀#9). Turns out, I was the only one in the exit row (🍀#10). With essentially no passengers around me except for the flight attendant awkwardly sitting in the mid-plane jump seat facing me toe-to-toe, it was an incredibly uneventful flight. (Yeah, they sold me a water for $4.76. Big spender.)

I hope they don't expect me to open
both doors in an emergency.

Now, 30 hours after the trip, I looked to see what the Quest for Rewards tier credit bonuses amount to. Ooh! Despite missing gambling at Horseshoe altogether, I should be raking in about 1800 in extra tier credits, which... um... still gets me nowhere close to the next tier. Worthless! Just like last time! Ha ha ha ha!

Two free drinks. Counter service pizza, burgers, chicken sandwich, McBiscuit, bagel -- $78 in food costs for 48 hours. $202 in Lyfts, Ubers, and a cab. So wrong.

I'd do it again.

2023 Rewind on Turntable.fm

 Dropping this here for those who are curious: it's my script for the 2023 Rewind, which I hosted January 5 in Turntable.fm's "I ♥ the 80s" room. The YouTube playlist is at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNytiCK5aidbIVu1oyEh-f4KgsnFt49zs 

1/5/23 (S02E05, #48, The Rewind)

Starting countdown checklist:

PM robo /autodj off

/settheme It's RulesLawyers Top Ten Countdown!

Set the room theme in the Room menu

/setmaxdjs 1

[Just as the intro starts]

⚖🔝🔟 Good morning, bots and bods, welcome to The Rewind, a special edition of RulesLawyer's Top Ten Countdown on I <3 the 80s, where we reveal the top trending '80s tracks from 2023, based on your spins, awesomes, and other appropriate displays of public affection.

[at 1:11, after the burst montage]

⚖🔝🔟 I'm your host, RulesLawyer, and despite a few WMG challenges, we've got a full countdown for you, plus several more surprises. Security Chief @Dr. Fart Mustache is keeping the stage tidy and @Mr. Roboto has been churning overtime to calculate your top ten favorites in several categories. Sit back, crack open a Bartles & Jaymes, and let's jump right in.

[kick off factoids as soon as stats for the previous song appear]

⚖🔝🔟 We kick off the Rewind with an iconic '80s tune. The speaking parts are performed by Magnus Pyke, a famous British TV host for a children's educational show, the Bill Nye of the other side of the pond. His trademark was yelling "Science!" throughout the show. He does so again here, in Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science!"

[kick off "coming up nexts" at the 0:30 seconds remaning mark.]

⚖🔝🔟 Coming up next: the top 10 novelty tracks of the year!

⚖🔝🔟 Our #9 song only took the band 20 minutes to write. The initial demo had a soft tone, but producer William Wittman encouraged the band to rock harder. Inspired by the performances of The Who and the vocals of Sting, it became a huge hit, landing on the Billboard charts in January 1986 and peaking at #6 four months later, spending 22 weeks in the Hot 100. Here's The Outfield, "Your Love".

⚖🔝🔟 Coming up next: the top 10 artists of the year!

⚖🔝🔟 WMG blocked Stacey Q's well-played video (35 spins this year), but they didn't yet get to this Eurobeat remix yet. She also performed this song in a 1986 episode of THE FACTS OF LIFE, where Tootie tries to sabotage her character's chance to perform on Broadway, in yet another instance of a 28-year-old playing the role of a teenager in the '80s. The #8 song of the year, here's "Two of Hearts"

⚖🔝🔟 Coming up next: the top 10 Covers Day songs of the year!

⚖🔝🔟 In one of the earliest synergies of product placement in a music video, Paper Mate funded Autograph's 1984 hit video on the condition the band showcase their Sharpwriter mechanical pencil. I mean, the band's name, the album (SIGN IN PLEASE)… how could they not? The band was a one-hit-wonder, pencilled in at #29, with no further hits. They broke up in 1989. Shoulda used a pen. On the Rewind at #7, here's "Turn Up the Radio"

⚖🔝🔟 Alien Ant Farm obtained Michael Jackson's permission for this cover song, and MJ suggested that a scene with a boy wearing a mask be removed. MJ didn't like the edited version either, so had them keep that scene in. Thus, there are two versions of this video floating around. Nominated for "Best Hard Rock Performance" at the 2002 Grammys and winning "Top Cover Song" earlier today, at #6, here's "Smooth Criminal"

⚖🔝🔟 Oh, they're very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - coming up next: the top DJs of the year!

⚖🔝🔟 Simple Minds didn't want to record a song they didn't write, but after seeing an early screening of THE BREAKFAST CLUB with John Hughes, they came around. It's a Keith Forsey song, like "Shakedown" from BEVERLY HILLS COP and "Flashdance… What a Feeling". The band ad libbed the opening "hey, hey, hey, hey" part, though. It's the #5 song of the year and the start of a John Hughes /twofer, "Don't You (Forget About Me)"

[Bumper is the Breakfast Club / Ferris Bueller scene from Ready Player One]

⚖🔝🔟 You know who was big in "Big In Japan"? Monique Meier, who starred alongside of Alphaville's Marian Gold in their 1983 video. Monique got the role because her husband, Dieter, was the video's director. Who? Dieter Meier is best known as the vocalist from a 1984 song that appeared in John Hughes' iconic film, FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF. His band? Yello. His song, appearin four times on our Countdown in 2023, is here at #4: "Oh Yeah"

https://i.imgur.com/GD0nbdv.png

⚖🔝🔟 Coming up next: the top '90s Day songs of the year!

⚖🔝🔟 Dire Strait's Mark Knopfler and Sting are credited as writers on the third-most-loved song of the year. (Sting gets credit for the lead-in "I want my MTV".) It won a Grammy in 1986 for Best Rock Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group, and Best Video at the 1986 VMAs. Animated by Paintbox, the digital characters were supposed to have buttons on their shirts, it wasn't in the budget. Here's "Money for Nothing"

⚖🔝🔟 Up next, a tearful look back at some of the biggest names the '80s community lost in 2023.

⚖🔝🔟 Even WMG's attempt at blocking our #1 song of the year couldn't give crooning cinephile Michael Bolton the top spot. His video was shot on location atop the sweeping views of Alstrom Point, Utah, a location which was also used for Britney Spears' video for "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman", and 1968's PLANET OF THE APES. @Mr. Roboto says that it's the second-most-loved song of 2023, "Said I Loved You...But I Lied"

[Bumper is a recap of everything above. Wait until maybe 5 seconds into the #1 spin to drop the factoid.]

⚖🔝🔟 Our top spin of the year is blocked by WMG. We spun it 84 times in 2023, repeating "it's a new release" like a mantra. Unknown to us, lead singer Marian Gold had just recorded and released a room-filling symphonic version incorporating the original video from 40 years earlier. With nearly a million views on YouTube and more love from y'all than any other song in 2023, it's surprisingly new. It's epic. It's #1. It's "Big In Japan"

⚖🔝🔟 And that's a wrap! Thanks for listening to The Rewind, the top trending '80s tracks of 2023. Keep those turntables spinning, bots and bods, and play your favorites to help them climb the 2024 charts. Robo's always watching, counting, and feeling the love.

⚖🔝🔟 We'll see you back here next Friday for our regular weekly Top Ten Countdown! Hop on up and play a cover tune, show love to your fellow DJs, and be excellent to each other!

⚖🔝🔟 Special thanks to @jodrell and @mr. roboto, who put in a ton of work behind the scenes to assemble most of the data used for The Rewind. Thanks to our bouncer, @Dr. Fart Mustache, for keeping the riff raff away from the stage all year. And thanks to all of you for watching. We now return you to your normally scheduled Covers Friday, already in progress.

/micdrop

⚖🔝🔟 If you missed any of The Rewind, or just want to p-p-play it again, the full YouTube playlist is at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNytiCK5aidbIVu1oyEh-f4KgsnFt49zs

Ending checklist:

/settheme It's covers Friday! Hop up and play covers of '80s tunes or cover songs by '80s artists.

Set the room theme in the Room menu

/setmaxdjs 5

/autodj on

Top 10 tracks as of 12/29/23

Artist Track Total Points Play Count

1 Alphaville Big In Japan 17424 84

2 Michael Bolton Said I Loved You...But I Lied 10073 116

3 Dire Straits Money For Nothing 6976 39

4 Yello Oh Yeah 6512 41

5 Simple Minds Don't You (Forget About Me) 6342 33

6 Alien Ant Farm Smooth Criminal 6174 30

7 Autograph Turn up the Radio 5712 31

8 Stacey Q Two Of Hearts 4667 35

9 The Outfield Your Love (Official HD Video) 4536 34

10 Thomas Dolby She Blinded Me With Science 4425 26

11 Styx Mr. Roboto 4410 31

12 The Romantics Talking in Your Sleep 4320 30

13 Ghost It`s a Sin (Pet Shop Boys cover) HD 1080p 4320 28

14 The Birthday Party Release the Bats 4242 78

15 The Buggles Video Killed The Radio Star 4103 29

[Edit January 8: fived bad YouTube playlist link]

1400 miles for a burrito

I’ve been hanging out in turntable.fm’s “I ❤️ the ‘80s” room for a year and a half now, spinning tunes while I work a few days a week. Like any online community, we have our inside jokes, rabble rousers, idiosyncrasies, and weirdos. One of these oddities is a fascination for a restaurant chain that few of us live near enough to visit, but which has taken on an almost holy status, worth of a pilgrimage from anywhere. For example, take a discussion I had last week, where I suggested to someone in Pennsylvania who lives four hours away that it would be shameful not to make the trip. Paraphrased from memory.

“It’s only a 4 hour drive. Each way.”

“But I don’t have a car.”

“Get an Uber.”

“They don’t pick up way out here.”

“Then find some Amish guy and pay him to buggy you.”

Of course, I wouldn’t have been this forward if I didn’t have my own pilgrimage planned. I flew from SeaTac to Denver last night, primed my digestive system with dinner from Sonic, and crashed at the Hampton Inn for the night.

My scrawled suggestions from those who have made the pilgrimage before me: “meat and potato burrito (#3 or #8), stuffed grilled taco, Taco Bravo”

The gate next to mine was going to Las Vegas. Losers.

Pregaming. Vanilla onion rings and cheesesticks should gird my guts adequately.

I made it! Time to sleep and dream of tacos.

I woke up too late to take advantage of their free breakfast, but that’s OK, because I didn’t want to fill myself up before I took my first bite of the manna I had planned for lunch.

After a 60 mile drive through the high plans and through interstate construction zones, the restaurant appeared at the crest of a curve, its white sign beaconing high above the rest. As I pulled in, Spotify’s shuffle was playing an appropriate tune.

Saving $5.80 in tolls buys another side.

Miles of straight flat freeway are on this side of the Rockies.

“All I know is that to me / it looks like I’m having lunch.”

I made it.

Taco John’s, Loveland, Colorado. Allegedly, one of their first five locations. 

I feel welcome.

Yeah, there’s a massive cemetery across the streets. It’s only sad because they can’t eat here.

What’s inside?

On the advice of the freaks in I ❤️ the ‘80s, I ordered a Stuffed Grilled Taco, a Meat and Potato Burrito, a Taco Bravo, and made one of those a combo with a soft shell taco, a Potatoes Olé, and a drink.

All my half-eaten food: Taco Bravo (in hand), Meat and Potato Burrito (upper right), Stuffed Grilled Taco (center top), Potatoes Olé (center bottom)

Verdict: the Stuffed Grilled Taco was by far the highlight of my meal. The crunchiness of the interior was a perfect textural contrast, and the melted cheesy/sour creamy/smooth beany goo inside was scaldingly delicious. In the end, it was this that I grabbed an extra bite of.

The Meat and Potatoes Burrito was good. The potato discs tended to dissolve inside and were nearly indistinguishable from the rest of the burrito’s innards. They were much better as the Potatoes Olé, which were a tiny bit squishier than I would’ve liked, but were still mostly crispy and seasoned deliciously.

My wife, who came along for the trip, eyes rolling the whole way, says the soft shell taco was fine. I love that she tolerates my foolishness.

The Taco Bravo was disappointing. Taco Bell does it better with their Cheezy Gordita Crunch. Taco John’s uses bean paste with flecks of unmelted cheese instead a cheese sauce, and doing so just makes for a soft, unappealing, over loaded glop taco.

Two hours later, my stomach was complaining, but shut up, stomach. Nobody cares.

So that’s pretty much it. If you’re a normal person, yeah, Taco John’s is far better than Taco Bell or Del Taco. If you’re one of the turntable.fm nerds, find yourself an Amish buggy or shovel your way across the pass to Reno, and get yourself a Stuffed Grilled Taco.

You’re welcome.

Eight days of pandemic Vegas

As soon as work lifted the travel ban in June, I immediately booked a conference at Mandalay Bay. I've found ILTAcon to be easily pay for itself in the advice I find and tricks I learn to make my job easier, but you're not here to read about that, so I'll skip over the information you don't care about, and I'll jump right into the Vegas content.

Sunday, August 22:

Pro tip: If you can find a cheap rate on Southwest for a time that you're willing to fly, even if it's painfully inconvenient, book it months in advance if you can. When they change their schedule, which they seem to frequently do about 45 days out, you're allowed to rebook on any of their flights between the same two points, +/- 14 days. Book a 5:30 AM departure, they change the flight time by 5 minutes, and "oh, that just won't work for me," and I'm on the much nicer 9:45 AM plane to Vegas.

The rental car center had a LOT more cars this time than they did in my early June trip. No issues there. My wife and I stopped at Target for water and a few other necessities, then headed south. In a small strip mall roughly halfway between South Point and M Resort is celebrity chef Jet Tila's Dragon Tiger Noodle. Pick some veggies, pick a protein, pick a broth from the tap, and you get a cheap, delicious, spicy, fast soup. I'd recommend it if you're in the area, but I don't think it's worth a special trip.

Knowing how far away the parking garage is from Mandalay Bay's front desk, I made the rare choice to valet the car. Car's gone, bags are whisked away, and I wander to the lobby.

Although MGM pushes their mobile app for check in, it doesn't work when you've book with your work e-mail address through the convention's contracted hotel agency. Sure, my personal NYNY reservation for later in the week is in the app, but it has no idea my Mandalay reservation is tied to the same human. 

At left, the failure towers.
At center on the dark asphalt, Janet Airlines.
At right, near a billboard, Speed: The Scrap Metal.

I figured that because it was 3:00 PM exactly, the line for check-in would be brutal. But no, no big deal. It's Sunday, and the check-in line had maybe five people in front of me. The front desk got my accounts tied together, and asked if I wanted a low floor strip view or a high floor mountain view. Higher the better, I said, so we ended up three floors below the Foundation Room, looking at "mountains." Of more interest than the hills, it's a view of the SkyVue failure towers (which one bartender told a conference vendor were actually built as a monument to the Route 91 shooting victims. sigh.), Janet Airlines, and the remnants of Speed: The Ride.

Conference stuff happened, and really all I have to say is that the attendance was maybe 25% of their previous conferences. A lot of the conference was virtual, including several sessions with 100% virtual presenters, which was frustrating, but in these continuing times of extreme fuckery, you roll with what you get.

A vendor I'd never heard of, and likely never will again, invited conventioneers up to Skyfall lounge, so I put in a few minutes there, drank a free drink, took the obligatory evening photos, and politely excused myself. It's my first tightly packed maskless crowd of the trip, which is slightly weird, slightly a risky adrenaline rush, and quickly easy to forget that things should be different. Many more of these tight packed eating and drinking experiences will happen the next seven days. Despite my reckless behaviour, I somehow managed to not catch the 'rona, but post-trip, I've put myself in a 10-day modified quarantine, just to keep the rest of my friends and neighbors safe. Enough forced socializing. Vegas awaits.

One row, +$200

The epic Video Poker Primer thread on Vegas Message Board listed a moderately crappy 6/5 Bonus Poker machine just outside the high limit room. That was to become my home base of gambling for the next four days. It certainly helped that less than 30 minutes into my first session of the trip, I was dealt quad aces for $200. Too bad the rest of the trip went downhill from there.

Around 10 PM, I caught the tram to Excalibur (when was the last time both trams were functioning? 2005?) wandered around there looking for a $5 table, gave up, donated some money to the slot machine gods, gave some more up to a random crappy video poker machine, then caught the last tram back to Mandalay to call it a night. I've actually got work and conference stuff to do this week, so no late nights, I promise.

Monday, August 23:

Let's flashback to an e-mail thread from the Wednesday before:

Vendor, 12:54 PM: Have you ever been to Best Friend or Hell’s Kitchen?

Me, 2:28 PM: I’ve not yet been able to snag a reservation at Hell’s Kitchen – my wife and I have tried unsuccessfully our last two trips. It seems you’ve gotta reserve months in advance. 

Best Friend is one of my favorites. I never thought I’d love eggplant, but Chef Choi’s was so smooth and melty. Yum

Vendor, 2:31 PM: If I cannot get Hell’s Kitchen would you like to show me Choi’s with your wife?  My treat?

Me, 2:36 PM: That would be wonderful! Company ethics rules are that I’d have to pay for my wife’s dinner, but I can happily accept your offer for myself.

Vendor, 3:28 PM: Just sent you an invite…Monday, 12:30…Hell’s Kitchen lunch!!

Seared scallops, Beef Wellington, and sticky toffee pudding, on a vendor's expense account? Oh, Vegas, you keep giving. Only issue: I've got a session ending at 12:30 and another one starting at 2:30. I can leave the first session a little early, but I don't want to miss the 2:30 one. Can I make it?

OK, so the plan is for the wife to get the car from Mandalay's valet at 12:10 while I leave the session at 12:05. It's a 15 minute walk from the convention center to the valet, meaning the car and I should arrive around the same time, 12:20. We drive to Caesars, throw the keys at the valet there, and rush into the restaurant right on time.

Well, that's the plan. It turns out the Mandalay valet is backed up. The car doesn't arrive until 12:25. I zip over to Caesars, and... 

No valet here. No cars allowed.
(📸JamesInLasVegas)

I knew better, but forgot.

I throw my wife out of the car despite the security guards' mumbled protests, then zip back to the new "official" valet area, which, by the time I get there, I realize it's so far back, I might as well park in the Caesars garage myself. I run through the casino and arrive at lunch around 12:45, disheveled. My wife is patiently waiting in the entryway, the vendor's already got a table, and I'm soon tucking in to tasty, tasty scallops and beef. It's as good as GR Steak at Paris used to be.

We chat and eat and eat and chat, and at 2:00 realize, well crap, I've got to be in a session at the back of Mandalay Bay in less than 30 minutes. Check, please! Sticky toffee pudding to go, please!

So if I plod all the way back to the parking garage, there's no way I'll make the session in time. However, in the front of the parking lot, in the spot where on the eve of New Years 1968 Evel Knievel launched himself into the pavement, Caesars currently has a taxi stand. We left the car in Caesars garage, and cabbed back to Mandalay, where I made it to the session just in time.

At the end of the conference day, after a vendor dinner event, I headed up to the room, ate a room-temperature Sticky Toffee Pudding (still good, just not great), then wander north with loose plans of getting the car. I want a $5 craps table on a Monday night. Is that too much to ask?

It is. It's $15 at Luxor, NYNY, Park MGM. $10 at Excalibur. I don't even remember if Aria, Bellagio, or Cosmo had it below $25; I doubt it. Caesars sure didn't, but I remembered that I wanted to chase their "Quest for Rewards" this trip, so burned $40 in a slot chasing 25 tier credits. For what? I dunno.

Still, I want a $5 craps table. I also need to hit a grocery store for some drink mixer we forgot to get at Target, so I head east on Flamingo to Albertsons, and on my way back, I'm like "Silver Sevens? That dive has to have a $5 table." Nope. Despite the fact that their craps table likely doesn't even have a changeable sign, the pit boss had scrawled the $10 limit on a piece of paper like the ad for a kid's lemonade stand and taped it to the table limit sign. Nobody was playing. I checked the VPFree2 video poker listing, and despite having several good games listed, they all seemed to be gone as well. I donated more than I should've to Silver Seven's slots (those room offers are gonna be rolling in again!), and headed back to the car. Hmm. Ellis Island or Rio should have a $5 table, right? Which one?

As I drove west on Flamingo, I missed the turn on Koval to Ellis Island. So Rio it is.

What a dark, empty den of sadness.

Vegas is back?

I wandered for a bit, seethed at discovering this empty dive also had $10 craps tables, burned through $80 chasing 25 tier credits there, and left. I don't think I'll be back until the new owners gut and revive it. (Spoiler: I'm wrong.)

Tuesday, August 24:

It's mostly conference stuff, all day and into the night. Vendor drinks and snacks in a conference room at 5:00. Another vendor party at Rí Rá at 6:00 (free snacks and Guiness). A brief break where I go to Luxor to lose $40 on slots but win $50 on bubble craps ($5 limit, c'mon, press the button!), then back to Mandalay's center bar/club Eyecandy. 

A vendor there has an open bar for us and all the tacos you can eat. The thumping's good, the closeness of the crowd is not, so I excuse myself to my very nearby home base video poker machine, which isn't nearly as kind as it was on day 1, taking my Benjamin in about an hour.

Wednesday, August 25:

The view from the Foundation Room.
It's no Skyfall, but it's close.

After the conference day is over, I finally have time for dinner with my wife. She picks Wolfgang Puck's Lupo and their ravioli. I have the chicken parm. Both are very good. We part ways and I head up to a vendor event in the Foundation Room. It's the same vendor who treated me to Hell's Kitchen, and at the party, he asks my thoughts on Best Friend.

It's outstanding, I said, but it really should be experienced with several people so that you can share dishes. I cautioned that I found it difficult to get reservations for a group of any size. He rounded up his co-workers, asked if they wanted to try for tonight, and they all said yes. He asked me if I wanted to join him, but having just had dinner, I had to decline.

No matter, he couldn't get reservations for tonight anyway. But tomorrow? He asks me again. Sure, I'm in.

Back in the room, she's tired, so I decide it's gonna be the night to go to Fremont. I only know of one place down there that will give me free parking, so at around 8:30 PM I flash my card and get waved into the El Cortez parking garage. VPFree2 had just reported the arrival of eight new 98.98% Double Double Bonus Poker machines, so I played through a hundred bucks on one of those, all the while surrounded by people who, judging by their masks, believe they breathe out of their chins. Maybe they do. I mean, it's the El Cortez, which has the most oxygen tanks per dealer of any casino in Nevada. 

Fremont on a Wednesday night.

I get it in my mind that I should play at every joint on Fremont Street, just to make sure I keep my players card points alive. Never mind that most of my players card point balances down there are zero, it's a goal. I also promise myself that I'll be back in the car by midnight so I can be responsible and work tomorrow.

First mistake: on the way out of El Cortez, I decide to toss $20 in a slot machine. It becomes 60¢ quickly. I look for a machine to burn a 60¢ ticket in, and instead find the Madonna:Express Yourself slot machine. I put $20.60 in. It becomes a few cents. I put another $20 in. It becomes a few cents. I reach for another $20, but all I've got is a $100. It goes in. I promise myself I'll stop when it's down to $50. 

It's down to $5 and I still haven't hit a single bonus on this thing. Then, as if the Material Girl felt sorry for me, it finally hit one of the small bonuses that brought me back up to $50. I run away, down Fremont to The D.

Sticking with the theme, I play the Britney slot machine, which puts out a lot more bonus rounds. I leave up 18¢, then pick some random slots at Four Queens, Golden Nugget, and the Fremont before I run out of time and have to drive back to Mandalay. The street was a little crowded, the circle performers were displaying their wares, the band was rocking covers of something, and masks were clearly optional.

Thursday, August 26:

Is it really a trip to Vegas if you
don't have one of Chef Andrés' 
Salt Air Margaritas? I think not.

It's the final day of the conference, and the final session ends up being one whose advice might just pay for this whole shebang several times over. I take a long lunch with my wife at China Poblano at Cosmo, where I upgrade my players card one level above the base tier for the first time ever (thanks, expensive June room). The food at China Poblano is good, as always, and I feel even better knowing some of my money is going to Chef José Andrés and his World Central Kitchen charity, which, if you're not aware of it, can be summed up in his two latest retweets:

@NateMook: While we’ve been non-stop in Louisiana, I just learned that #ChefsForAfghans expanded to Philly. @WCKitchen got the call late at night for meals for 40 Afghan refugees at Philadelphia Airport. Our local team at @baology delivered these halal meals from Healthy Picks restaurant

@WCKitchen: With power still out across much of Louisiana, we began handing out solar lights Electric light bulb along with dinner tonight. In Houma, a community hit incredibly hard by Hurricane #Ida, the team served plates of pasta yesterday and cajun chicken stew tonight! #ChefsForLouisiana

On the way back to the car, I place my once-a-trip roulette bet: $100 on a single number on a single-zero wheel. It loses, but one of these days I'll be on a Vegas trip and suddenly have an extra $3600 to spend (or, more likely, save for my next trip. Yes, really).

I skip the closing keynote (it doesn't apply to my work) and the closing reception (pajama party? really?). Overnight, I re-listened to Mark and Dr. Mike's episode 237, Low Rolling at High-Limit Craps, so before dinner at Best Friend, I check out Luxor's craps table. $10. I pull out $100 and a players card, but as I hand it over, I see the sign had changed to $15. 

"Never mind," I say. 

"$10?" asks the pit boss, "I'll grandfather you in." 

I've said it before, but Luxor seems to have the craps crew with the best customer service on the strip. I mean, it also helped that I doubled up quickly merely with a pass line bet and placing the 6 and 8, but they're good folk.

My wife and I arrived early for dinner, so burned some time playing video poker at the sportsbook bar. It's very quiet on an August Thursday evening. Vegas is by no means back. Dinner with the vendor's team at Best Friend was outstanding yet again. Because I'd been there three times before, they basically handed me the menu and said "order for all of us." Perfect. Dishes included the eggplant schnitzel, the kimchi fried rice, the street corn, the korean wings, all so good. Perhaps only the ramen-dusted fries disappointed, not because they were bad, only because they weren't excessively over-the-top good like the rest of it.

I drove back to Mandalay Bay, and while my wife is ready to call it a night, I'm feeling like exploring somewhere I've never been. I think about it for a bit, and it hits me: Palace Station. (Once I returned home, I discover in my notes that I briefly visited there on April 20, 2013 to lose $20 on slots and walk away with a coin-counting piggy bank, which I promptly gave to my daughter, where it rolled around in her room for a few years before going to Goodwill.) Video poker is bad to me. Face Up Pai Gow is bad but in a slow pushy kind of way, like you'd expect. Still no $5 craps table. I'm there much longer than I expected, but tomorrow's a vacation day, so I can sleep in.

Friday, August 27:

It's moving day, so just before 11 AM, we roll out of Mandalay Bay with luggage in the trunk and breakfast on our minds. Eat, down on east Fremont? We're kinda tired of it, going there every trip. Mon Ami Gabi? Same. How about Peppermill? We drive the length of the strip, only to discover it's a 2 hour wait for breakfast. It's almost lunch time, so maybe a lunch spot? How about Bobby's Burger Palace. We drive most of the way back down the strip and park in Aria's garage. I pull up their Google entry... to find that they'd closed. 

Frustrated and hangry, we decide to just park the car at NYNY, where we'll be staying for the next two nights, and find something there. Tom's Urban? Fine. I kick my wife out of the car in the porte cochère so she can grab a table while I park. We meet up, and the food is good. Not great, but good. We briefly considered giving Bruxie a second chance (I mean, it's a waffle place and we're looking for breakfast), but memories of the May 31, 2019 metal shaving in her egg sandwich flooded back with a bit of nausea.

The room is ready, and the MGM app tells us where it is, how to get there, and how to use an electronic key to open the door. It's a novelty the first time, but gets old quick. I mean, what's faster here:

1) Pull out your phone 2) Unlock it 3) Start the app 4) Tap to open the key 5) Tap it on the lock.

OR

1) Pull out the key card 2) Tap it on the lock.

Shoes, shined.

While my wife rested, I made two trips to the car to get the luggage. Both times, the shoeshine guy tried to convince me to use his services. I really did need to, and had eyed the stand at McCarran ($10) and Mandalay ($10) earlier in the week. I came back downstairs, and got the first shoeshine of my life. He's a better conversationalist than most bartenders in town. It seems that early in the pandemic, shoeshiners were brought back as "essential personnel" at the insistence of a particular VP. A few days later, the VP gets a shoeshine... and he's never gotten one since.

I'm very happy with the results and head back upstairs to catch up on the goings of the world. By now, it's dinner time, and somehow, my wife and I agree that Guy Fieri's Trash Can Nachos (as featured on Vegas Chef Prizefight episode 2) are what we want for dinner. Why? Well, nachos. And during the pandemic, Fieri showed he's not the bombastic dude-bro I thought he was. Among his other work, he's raised more than $25 million for restaurant workers during the pandemic. We figured we should give his restaurant some love.

Unfortunately, the restaurant didn't love us back. First, there should have been a little bit of a presentation upon delivery. No, these were just nachos on a plate. Next, the carne asada tasted... off? Like, as I joked, they were destined for the trash can until we ordered them. And then, when the waiter asked how it was, and I said "the chips are fine, but the beef is a little off," he replied "OK, enjoy!", much the same way I face-palmingly reply to "have a nice flight" with "you too!" I assume he just couldn't face us after that. I spent the rest of the meal closely examining black morsels of protein in the cheese to determine if they were beans (eat them) or beef (to hang out on the edge of my plate).

As I write this nearly a week later, I learned we could've gotten the same dish, although likely not as Rio-bad, at his joint at The Linq. Now I know. I don't think I'll be back to Rio until the new owners gut and revive it. For real this time.

Back to the hotel, my wife's gonna call it a night. I, on the other hand, need to come up with a plan for my evening. After thinking about it a bit, I decide I'm going to try and get a "Quest for Rewards" badge at every Caesars property in town. I've already hit Caesars and Rio, so that leaves seven more for tonight. The prize? 1600 tier credits, which are worth... nothing, really. I've got Caesars credit card, and a modest amount of spend on it will get me to the same tier level. But who cares? It's Friday night and I've got time.

Harmon Tower at sunset.
Are they actually building something,
or just rearranging dirt?

Spoiler: I lose an average of $35 for each casino I visited tonight. Maybe I'll get better room offers? But then I'll have to stay in a Caesars property, so there's no upside. Anyway. I mosey up the west side of the strip from NYNY to Cosmo, then cross over to Planet Hollywood. I try and never walk the east side here -- it's all shopping and junk, more crowded than fun sightseeing. At Planet Ho, I set myself in front of a video poker machine near the escalator for 45 minutes, do the same at Paris on a 100-play machine in the high limit room, then hang out at the video poker bar in the old Indigo Lounge space at Bally's for an hour.

Over to Cromwell, but their good VP has been a victim of the pandemic, so I illogically play slots for an hour (and lose). Then next door to Flamingo, where I spend a lot of time looking for a good VP machine that I fear has disappeared, and instead end up playing slots (where I illogically win). Next door again to The Linq, where I misread a paytable at the Catalyst bar and end up playing 94% Double Double Bonus for an hour. Finally, it's one more stop at Harrah's where I wander, play slots, and fail to be surprised that the disturbing Winnie statue is still missing a finger, as it has been for years now. They may have remodeled the rooms, but haven't spent a dime on remodeling the creepy couple.

Achievement unlocked.

It's now coming up on 2 AM, so I begin the trek back to NYNY, again spending most of the southern half on the west side of the strip. Tonight's adventure is over, right? At Park MGM, I realize that my wife might like something. "Gatorade, please." I hop across the skybridge, only to discover the ABC Store and Target are closed for the night. Walgreens is there for me, though.

Walgreens at 2:00 on a Saturday morning on the Vegas strip is always an adventure. Tonight, though, it was remarkably dull, except for the couple arguing loudly over what their roommates wanted. 

Back out on the strip with my Gatorade, I head south towards the pedestrian overpass. As I walk past a couple security guards at the alley between Target and Walgreens, one of them says "Whoa. Look at that." A group of three yout's coming the other way had run up on a fourth yout', jumped him, and began to beat on him. I high tailed it out of there, but when I was about halfway to the overpass, I heard a grunt and breaking glass. I kept moving away from the scene, but dared a look over my shoulder. The guy who'd been attacked was crumpled on the ground in the right lane of Las Vegas Boulevard. I figure he got nailed with a bottle. His assailants had already disappeared, as a cop car jetted past me, sirens blaring. I guess tonight's adventure wasn't over.

Saturday, August 28:

It's a pretty uneventful morning. We sleep in, grab breakfast at Nine Fine Irishmen, wander and tram up to Mandalay Bay to cash in a forgotten slot ticket, and wander and tram back to NYNY. It's nap time for my wife, so I hop in the car and head to Resorts World. It's 108° out, and although I know better, I still figure that parking in the parking garage is a good idea. It's a brutal, unshaded, 800-foot walk from the garage to the casino. What were they thinking?

Click into this one. Wow. Even a blind squirrel takes a good photo once in a while. No filters. No photoshopping. The colors just pop. Taken from the parking garage, the view is mostly of the welcome pit out front. In addition to the Hilton, Conrad, and Crockfords towers (dammit, Mike E., I have to look up the spelling every time now), this will be the site of the new Sarlacc tower.

I wander a bit, get a players card, and spend most of my time playing 25-play VP in the high limit room, most of which was spent chatting with a trio playing $50/hand about who among them is the most lucky. I also play some solo bubble craps ($15 tables on a Saturday are no surprise), have a rare winning slots session, and head out after a couple of hours. My impression? After the newness wears off, I don't know what's going to get people in here. This feels a lot like a larger version of Lucky Dragon, or M Resort north. The ongoing construction is already on my nerves. They should've done better, done something more unique, done something Vegas, not something that would be expected in a greatly successful tribal casino.

Sunset behind T-Mobile Arena, with Allegiant
Stadium at center left

No call from the wife yet, so I stop at Treasure Island for a few minutes. Still no craps table under $15. Thankfully, she called just after I got my players card, and I meet her for dinner at an off-my-radar Italian place in NYNY, Il Fornaio. I make it a rule to never eat at a major chain restaurant in Vegas, but can I be forgiven if I didn't know Il Fornaio was a SoCal chain? We start the meal with a smoked salmon bruschetta, which was pretty good, although my first bite of salmon was a little tougher than I expected. Still kinda full from breakfast, we decide to split a grilled chicken breast "served with spicy peperoncino sauce". It was very good, with the spiciness of the sauce slightly muted by the kick of lemon and gentleness of the herbs. For dessert, we split tiramisu, which might be one of the best I've had. So it's a chain. So what?

We head back upstairs, and I cement my evening plan: it's Saturday night, it's my last night in town, and I'm going to be spending it at Chandelier. Knowing how good the drinks are there, I choose to Uber instead of drive, and unlike my rideshare trips in June, the driver arrives quickly with no surge pricing.

The city. Kinda old feeling, kinda gritty.

While the rest of the week has been pandemic-suppressed, even with a bit more crowd on Friday, Saturday night at Cosmo is, as it has been for several months now, a place where the only indication of the pandemic is the masks. It's busy. I'm lucky enough to get a seat at the end of the main Chandelier bar, and start my video poker for the night. I start with a gin and tonic, and wait for two drink tickets to spit out so I can get something fancy off their menu.

The place is jumping. A marriage proposal happens in the main walkway (she said yes). A container of cocktail olives is knocked to the floor (and thrown away, not salvaged, thank goodness). A drunk twentysomething whose shirt is miraculously defying gravity's demand that it fall off is talking to everyone as if they're all her new best friend. Bros are bro-ing. My second drink ticket arrives, so I ask for a "Becky with the Good Hair."

"Sorry, we don't have the ingredients for that any more."

I'm crestfallen. "Can I take a look at the drink menu?" 

"Sorry, they took away our drink menus. But you like mezcal drinks? I can make you something similar."

"Somewhat fruity and citrusy? Sure!"

Quads and the dregs of my drink.

Salting the rim with taijin salt, and mixing five different bottles of something in a shaker, she presents me with the drink. I taste it. I savor it, knowing that I'm unlikely to get this recipe ever again after tonight. It's very, very good, with a bit of a bite. "That's jalapeno," she says.

I lose and lose and lose, and I'm down to my last $3 in the machine. I'm gonna be leaving sooner than I want to. No more citrusy mezcal jalapeno drinks? But the poker gods smile, and I'm dealt quad 4's for $100. I'm back to even. Two more tickets for another one of those, please.

I'm good for three hours and four drinks until the credits end up at $0. It was a good run. I'll wander for a bit. I'd seen a $10 High Card Flush table on the way in, and when I played it back in October 2015 and October 2019, I remembered that a good strategy would keep the house edge to around 2.5%. Sure enough, I check WizardOfOdds and find that playing T-8-6 or higher keeps the house edge at 2.71%, but the element of risk is only 1.58%, as you can raise more on really good hands.

I figured there was no chance that table will still be at $10 at 11 PM on a Saturday, but shockingly, it was. After an hour of play at $10, I'd been up $80, down $20, and was roughly back at my starting stack. A guy sat down to my left with three bananas and a purple ($3500) and exchanged them for $100 chips. He proceeded to bet the table max of $500 on every hand, with an additional $200 on each of the two side bets (7% and 13% house edge). Over the next hour, he was down and up and down and eventually got felted... at which point he reaches into his bag and pulls out a disorganized handful of 53 $100 bills. He bets it all away in the next 30 minutes. Yeah, the cards were running bad, but those side bets just kill you.

I had to have frustrated him just a little bit on one particular hand, where I was dealt a 6-card flush, including a four card straight flush. If I'd had $10 on each of the side bets, that would've paid $1600 100-to-1 and 60-to-1. I don't play those high edge bets, so I only won $40 back. If I hadn't been playing, my hand would've been his hand, and his $200 would have been $32,000. But, as he reminded me, if I'd been playing the side bets, I wouldn't have had enough money to still be at the table when that hand hit.

Finally, three hours after sitting at the table and six hours after arriving at Cosmo, I cashed out ahead $5. Great night at Cosmo? Yup. Best night at Cosmo? Jury's still out on that one. With the mezcal drinks now mostly out of my system, I wandered back up the west side of the strip back to NYNY. 

Sunday, August 29:

We made the most of every last minute of our 11 AM check out time, with plans to grab a leisurely breakfast, then fill the tank, drop off the rental car, and wander onto our 2 PM flight. I figured we'd try Blueberry Hill, which other Vegas folks have raved about. The location nearest the strip on Flamingo? Full. Every parking spot was taken. Their location two miles further east on Flamingo? There's a 30 minute wait. Gah. Let's just eat at the airport.

Again, there's no wait at the TSA PreCheck line to speak of, so we have plenty of time for breakfast. Sammy's Beach Bar and Grill hadn't disappointed on my two previous visits, but this time, like a lot of places, the menu was limited and the staff was uncaring. There's no way my quesadilla was prepared for me and on my table three minutes after ordering, and sure enough, it was room-temperature cold in the middle. In a rarity for me, I sent it back. A warmer quesadilla arrived about 8 minutes later.

After that, there's not much more to say. An uneventful flight. A quick ride home. That's that. The numbers and my wallet show that I left 60% of my bankroll in Vegas, which isn't too bad. On a pure dollar level, it's the most I've ever lost on a trip, but this was also the 4th-longest trip in my 29 visits. Slots are still the leak in my bankroll; video poker was cruel this trip as well, with only four quads all week, and only two of them paying $100 or more.

Epilogue:

One more side note about parking: parking for me is free at Caesars and MGM properties (because I have the Caesars credit card and hit minimum hotel spend at Mandalay to get Pearl level.) But man, the payment gates are such a hassle. On Monday, I exchanged my old MLife card for a new one with a 2022 expiration date. It failed to open the parking gate, so the operator had to ring me through. I exchanged it. Same thing the next time. I exchanged it. The mag strip wouldn't read on any gaming machines. I exchanged it. It failed to open the parking gate. Finally, one of the operators told me that it takes 72 hours from the issuance of a new card for it to register for parking, and to ask the MLife desk to activate it sooner. I did so. They issued me a new card. It failed to open the parking gate. Sigh.

The meadows

Also, as I implied above, the parking areas at Mandalay Bay and Caesars are literally thousands of steps from almost anywhere you'd want to go. Now that rideshare doesn't seem to be a problem any more, I might opt for that next time I'm staying at Mandalay. Running the numbers, the cost would have been a wash, just with no trunk to stuff our luggage in during the stops to and from the airport. If I'd had to pay for parking anywhere, rideshare would be the winning option.

Thanks for reading this far. It was a long, educational, tasty, frustrating, memorable, fun trip. The next one might be in October or might be next spring. Here's hoping it's soon.