Semi-bluff? All bluff.

I played a few hands of Omaha hi/lo 2¢/4¢, and ended up down 48¢. Time to go back to old reliable, regular old texas hold 'em. The stakes tonight were 5¢/10¢ no limit. I played three tables at once, and when it was time to go to bed, I prepared to shut down each table as the big blind hit. I was down 2¢ when I quit the first table, up $1.35 when I quit the second, and in middle position (UTG+3) on the third table, was down $2.50 or so.

Under the gun, idiotp0ker calls 5¢. UTG+1 folds, and I raise to 15¢ with 9♣ 9♠ in order to reduce the field -- pocket nines don't play well against more than one or two other players. Perfectly, everyone folds back to idiotp0ker, who calls.

The flop comes 5-8-K rainbow. idiotp0ker bets 25¢, a respectable amount at this table. I'm getting ready to get out of here, so to see if he really has a king, I raise to 50¢. He raises to $1.50, implying that not only does he have the king, he's got two of them -- or fives or eights. Tiltily, I call. WTF was I thinking? I honestly don't know. It's late.

The river's another 8. I could represent a full house here, if he bets weak. Pros say that you can tell what an amateur has by how they bet on the turn; the flop betting is what they want you to think they have, but the betting on the turn is what they really have. He bets $2.95, about a third of his stack.

So yeah, he's got something. I've got a pair of nines and the pair of eights on the board. Time to get out? I try to quickly do the math and figure out how much I'd have to bet to put him all in, but it's late, I'm running out of time, and I know I shouldn't even be in this hand to start with. Regardless, with a few clicks left on the clock, I push all in for another $5.92.

idiotp0ker folds, and says "lmfao". I muck my hand. "you suck," he says.

"lol" I type back. To tilt him a bit more, "Total bluff".

"you don't know anything about poker," he says. "I had nothing, worse than yours."

"Yup," I reply back. "I can't even spell qweens."

I leave the table up $1,79, up $2.64 overall for the night.