Under the gun, idiotp0ker calls 5¢. UTG+1 folds, and I raise to 15¢ with 9♣ 9♠ in order to reduce the field -- pocket nines don't play well against more than one or two other players. Perfectly, everyone folds back to idiotp0ker, who calls.
The flop comes 5-8-K rainbow. idiotp0ker bets 25¢, a respectable amount at this table. I'm getting ready to get out of here, so to see if he really has a king, I raise to 50¢. He raises to $1.50, implying that not only does he have the king, he's got two of them -- or fives or eights. Tiltily, I call. WTF was I thinking? I honestly don't know. It's late.
The river's another 8. I could represent a full house here, if he bets weak. Pros say that you can tell what an amateur has by how they bet on the turn; the flop betting is what they want you to think they have, but the betting on the turn is what they really have. He bets $2.95, about a third of his stack.
So yeah, he's got something. I've got a pair of nines and the pair of eights on the board. Time to get out? I try to quickly do the math and figure out how much I'd have to bet to put him all in, but it's late, I'm running out of time, and I know I shouldn't even be in this hand to start with. Regardless, with a few clicks left on the clock, I push all in for another $5.92.
idiotp0ker folds, and says "lmfao". I muck my hand. "you suck," he says.
"lol" I type back. To tilt him a bit more, "Total bluff".
"you don't know anything about poker," he says. "I had nothing, worse than yours."
"Yup," I reply back. "I can't even spell qweens."
I leave the table up $1,79, up $2.64 overall for the night.